How a male and female grow in their time together can usually be defined by how they have treated Feb. 14. For those of you who have pulled a Kenny Rogers (you know, lasted as a couple "Through the Years"), see if the following rings true:
The teen years, and early 20s: For those now in their 50s or beyond, I imagine Valentine's Day was a huge, huge deal when you met the love of your life back in the early 1970s. Candy, card, flowers, dinner and a movie were all part of the annual Feb. 14 celebration. How many took your girlfriend or wife to see "Romeo and Juliet," starring Olivia Hussey? (Without looking, I have no idea to this day who played Romeo in that movie, but I will freely admit I was in love with Olivia Hussey as Juliet for decades afterward.)
The 30s: By this time in your lives, kids have probably arrived and Valentine's Day, while still vital, began to take on a slightly less important role. There were still candy and flowers, but the once-obligatory, big, mushy card was no longer mandatory. And if a babysitter could be found, going out to eat was still a romantic treat, but instead of following that up with a trip to the theater you would likely go home and pop in a copy of "When Harry Met Sally" and laugh out loud at "the (Meg Ryan) scene" that made the movie famous.
The 40s: Middle age is nearing, but candy remains the one constant from years past. Time and some added inches around the waistline fail to diminish the importance of a good Whitman's Sampler. Dinner is optional, but in most years the two of you can work in a trip some buffet line that's not too far from home. The kids are teenagers and you don't want to leave them alone too long. On the way back from the buffet, you stop in at the neighborhood video store and pick out something from $1 aisle ... like maybe the Olivia Hussey version of Romeo Juliet?
The 50s: At this point in life, you bring home a box of candy you grabbed at the supermarket when getting the week's trash stickers. The two of you decide to order a pizza and watch one of the AMC series you have recorded from the weekend. You know, AMC, "where story matters." At this point in life, we all know the commercials as well as the shows.
This year: The older you get, the more hectic your schedule becomes. Was it supposed to work out that way? Not only are there kids, but there are now grandkids, which translates into dance recitals, soccer games, karate lessons and your role as a taxi service. And as much as you complain about it, you love every second of it.
That's why, even though those candle-lit evenings and in a romantic restaurant are long gone, Valentine's Day means more than ever. In a couple of weeks I'll ask my wife if she'd like to go out for a burger, knowing we have to be back by a certain time to watch one of the grandkids, and she'll say, "No ... let's just throw in a frozen pizza and watch American Idol."
And at that point, I'll know that's why our marriage has been a successful one.
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